#wineofclock72. Online dating experience- Week One.

Disclaimer: 'wineoclock72' is a fictional name, but is based on a REAL person.

My friend announced last week that she was on a dating site. It was purely by accident she landed there, as she had a tip off that her ex was on, and wanted all the goss.

Within minutes she had a flood of messages, winks, flirts and pokes and was completely bewildered by the experience. It wasn't long before my nosy self was getting the juicy bits out of the conversations.

So, one afternoon we drank coffee and scrolled through countless images and messages. Now I am no prude, but I have never delivered so many facial expressions or random noises in an afternoon.

I am going to list some of the 'crazy' dialogue in different subject areas

Standard messages obviously delivered without effort

'Hello...you look nice.'

'Hi Gorgeous/babe/cutie.'

'So, what's a pretty girl like you doing on here?'

Blah blah blah

I attempted to excuse this flippant behaviour by suggesting that 'they may not know how to do engaging conversation.' but she just saw it as lazy messaging.

This disgruntled my friend who went on a rant and replied back to all these standard messages with an automated text.

'Thanks, but it takes more than a few words to engage in chat.'

After a few confused messages came in, I quickly took the phone and responded more politely.

Some Random Messages and Images Recieved

'I am currently reading a book about tanks...'

That was my favourite, but I think I lost the plot when I saw a profile picture of a rather large man eating a king sized chicken nugget!

Jokes that were lost

#wineoclock72- Where do you work?

#boringman- I mind a flour machine

#wineofclock72- Do you tell it off when it has a paddy and throws the self raising on the floor? LOL LOL

#boringman- I just sort the flour into different bags

#wineoclock-...Oh...

Sexual perversions

After a long conversation with a bearded man, he talks about his need for a dominatrix. My friend appeared to fit the bill, he thought. She couldn't understand why he would think that. However as I went through her messages and profile it occurred to me that there was a possibility that there was 'indicators'

First of all she looked quite serious on her photograph and she had red lips (apparently that 'set him off') then when I scrolled through the messages there were a couple of spelling mistakes that included the words...and I quote...'thong, rectum and slap'

Apparently, it was accidental.

Pictures that lead into a false sense of security

As she chatted to a lovely man for some time it appears, she decided to go and look at his other pictures. In the profile picture he was a handsome young man, lots of hair. But in the others...he looked like Barry from Eastenders.

'There is nothing wrong with Barry,' I declared.

'I don't want to date Barry though!' She adamantly responded.

We sat in silence, as we drank our hot drinks and continued to swipe.

To be continued...